Overcoming Codependency: Steps to Breaking the Pattern
- Posted by Kristin Thompson
- On January 25, 2019
- 0 Comments
Create a relationship with yourself.
Take time to focus on your preferences, likes, dislikes, and so on, learning more about the things that make you happy and unhappy, and healthy ways to deal and cope with the latter. It’s important to stay connected to yourself.
Do you say yes when you really want to say no? Does it lead to resentment and hurt feelings? Learning to stop people pleasing is the first step to establishing personal boundaries. Basic ideas of personal boundaries include when to say no and where to draw the red line.
An example of this would be refusing to let someone convince you to do something you don’t want to do, even if that person tries to manipulate you with negative comments. We can’t change what other people do, but we can change our responses. Enforcing boundaries like this will improve our relationships.
Listen to and trust your own feelings and intuition.
Many of us first learn about guilt (“I did something bad”) and shame (“I am bad”) from our families. We wear guilt and shame like invisible scars. They intrude our thoughts and take over how we think and relate to those around us. But if we set intentions and listen closely, we can start to incorporate more self-accepting language.
Tune in and listen to yourself. Observe what you are feeling and thinking, and remind yourself that you are enough – just as you are. Practice talking to yourself like you’d talk to a best friend – appreciative, caring, warm, and encouraging!
Honor your own needs and intentions.
When we’re preoccupied on what others want and need from us, it leaves little room to recognize what we want and need for ourselves. Overtime, this can lead to feeling unheard or unmet.
In order to bring awareness to what you’re feeling, began by questioning the intention behind your words and actions. This allows you to understand your ideas and motives instead of letting other people define them for you. It helps develop a sense of confidence and self-respect, making it easier to communicate your needs to other people.
Create a positive space.
Feeling responsible for others’ actions, thoughts, and reactions leave us drained and confused. We must first began by realizing the difference between owning others’ problems and giving them support.
Create your own positive space. Think of this as your impenetrable bubble. This has a lot to do with boundaries – where someone else ends and where you begin.
Commit to lifting your self-esteem and confidence.
Find thyself! What brings you joy? When was the last time you laughed until you cried? What makes your love tank overflow?
We spend years falling over our feet and making mistakes, and that’s okay! Because we eventually learn from them and discover new things about ourselves in the process. The next part in our journey is practicing self-love and acceptance. Letting go of what we think we should be and embracing who we are. That means all parts of us…the impulsive and adventurous side, the goofy and forgetful side, the list maker and structured side, and the quiet and needy side. It’s about loving each part of what makes us who we are and integrating all parts without judgement.
And you know what? When we do it, it feels good!