What is domestic violence and abuse?

Domestic violence is more than just cuts and bruises. But domestic violence occurs whenever one person in an intimate relationship or marriage tries to dominate and control the other person. The purpose is to gain and maintain control over you, and they play dirty. Abusers use guilt, shame, intimidation and fear to wear you down. Your abuser may also threaten you, hurt you or those around you.

Domestic violence does not discriminate. Abuse happens in heterosexual couples and same-sex partnerships. It crosses all age ranges, ethnic backgrounds, and economic levels. And while women are more commonly victimized, men are also abused, especially verbally and emotionally. The point is that abuse is never acceptable. No. Matter. What.

Signs of an abusive relationship?

There are many signs of an abusive relationship. The more telling sign is that you’re afraid of your partner. Maybe you feel like you are walking on eggshells around them, trying to avoid setting them off. If you find yourself having to edit what you say, question your actions, or avoid certain situations or conversations, it is likely that your relationship is unhealthy and abusive.

To help determine whether your relationship is abusive, answer the questions below. The more “yes” answers, the more likely it is that you’re in an abusive relationship.

Are you in an abusive relationship?

1. Your inner thoughts and feelings.

         Do you:

• Feel afraid of your partner most of the time?
• Avoid certain topics out of fear or angering your partner?
• Feel that you can’t do anything right?
• Believe that you deserve to be hurt or mistreated?
• Wonder if you’re the one who is crazy?
• Feel emotionally numb or helpless?

2. Your partner belittles you.

  Does your partner:

• Humiliate or yell at you?
• Treat you so badly that you’re embarrassed for your friends and family to see?
• Ignore or put down your opinions or accomplishments?
• See you as property or a sex object, rather than a person?
• Criticize your and put you down?
• Blame you for their own abusive behavior?

3. Your partner’s threats or violent behavior.

          Does your partner:

• Threaten to take your children away or harm them?
• Destroy your belongings?
• Force you to have sex?
• Have a bad and unpredictable temper?
• Hurt you, or threaten to hurt your or kill you?
• Threaten to commit suicide if you leave?

4. Your partner’s controlling behavior.

          Does your partner:

• Keep you from seeing your friends or family?
• Constantly checks up on you?
• Limit your access to money, the phone, or the car?
• Act excessively jealous or possessive?
• Control where you go or what you do?
• Control what you wear or insists on dressing you?

If you feel like any of these ring true about your relationship, please visit the links and reach out. I encourage anyone who feels that they are in an abusive relationship to seek help from friends, family or the law when necessary. Often times, even small signs can be a red flag for future problems, and abusers often become more violent overtime.

Find abuse centers in your area

Find a Crisis Hotline and someone to talk to 

Contact the Police in your state (if you are in immediate danger, please call 911 and find a safe place to wait for them to arrive).